The Charlotte News

Saturday, December 30, 1939


Site Ed. Note: A careful reading of "Screwball" not only once again bears out Cash's nickname at The News, "Zarathustra" (qua the male equivalent to Cassandra), but also gives one pause, with that precocious, galloping 20-20 hindsight ever in store, to consider whether, after the War, the forces, represented by Dies & Co. before the War,--HUAC, the Mack Trucks, Richard III, and the rest of them--in fact did form an unholy alliance, on the notion of technological genius, with the very aorta of the Nazi Party itself--one which after a half century of regular and steady cat-like stealth has managed to infuse enough of the wine-dark seas into our culture as to insinuate itself into American life generally, undetected by those undistracted by such trifles which are beyond the scope of their nightly scopes, and even into our lettres--such that unless we come to grips with that notion soon, we may well do precisely what Cash predicts as unlikely to occur, just as he accurately predicted the ultimate downfall from within of the Communist state as a whole, its roots being antithetical to the heart of Nature itself, the simple concept of free will versus a deterministic, fated, caste-oriented system made into the State--that is:

"Our own guess is that nothing on earth but ultimate and abject despair on the part of the world's millions can ever again give Russia and Communism any chance."

So, Mr. President, you and your top level foreign experts there, should, we believe strongly, and vpon which belief we posit and maintain great Faith in YOU, sir, and so affirm upon our swearing, just keep it up and you will get what you are wishing for obviously, to the Good of All and Every within our Country, of course, another good old Cold War, rife with something very akin, if not right down the old Bowlin' Alley of Communism itself. Then you and your Party, of which we most certainly include ourselves, of course, there, will have just what the New Century people, the good folks there, all wanted all along: something to do for the next fifty years, because you just couldn't figure out what to do, just as we couldn't either, sir, back in those boring old musty 'Nineties, and got ultimately just plain stale as green toast wondering when all that Peace and Prosperity, relatively speaking of course, would end.

We have to reflect again, that said, however, on that singularly sagacious perspicacity which begat the vision in 2001, summer, to the effect that we had intelligence that there might be an attack soon, but we didn't know where.

Again, we would have to refer you, and ourselves, too, back to Funk & Wagnall's for the explanation: just look under Yousef.

We have forgotten who that was who made that admission. Do you remember? Whoever it was, we think the candor is laudable and that person should definitely be in charge of your entire foreign policy.

Anyway, here's a couple of things more from the page today:

The Night After

Russell Kay,

in Florida Times-Union

'Twas the night after Christmas,
and boy what-a-house!
I felt like the devil, and so did the
The egg-nog and turkey and can-
dy were swell,
But ten hours later it sure gave
me hell.

The stockings weren't hung by
the chimney with care--
The darn things were sprawled
on the back of a chair.
The children were nestled all
snug in their bed,
But I had a large cake of ice on
my head.

And when I finally dozed off in a
The ice woke me up when it fell
in my lap.
Then for some unknown reason I
wanted a drink,
So I started in feeling my way to
the sink.

I got along fine 'till I stepped on
the cat;
I don't recall just what occurred
after that.
When I came to, the house was
all flooded with light,
Although under the table I was
high as a kite.

While visions of sugar plums
danced in my head
I somehow got up and then back
into bed.
Then what to my wandering
mind should appear
But a miniature sleigh and eight
tiny reindeer.

Then the sleigh seemed to change
to a red fire truck,
And each reindeer turned into a
bleery-eyed buck;
I knew in a moment it must be
Old Nick--
I tried to cry out but my tongue
was too thick.

Then the old devil whistled and
shouted with glee
While the bucks pawed the earth
and looked daggers at me,
Then he called them by name
and the names made me shudder.
When I heard them I felt like a
ship minus rudder.

"Now Egg-Nog! Bacardi! Four
Roses! And Brandy!
Now Fruit Cake! Cold Turkey!
Gin Rickey! And Candy!
To the top of his dome, to the
top of his skull,
Now whack away, crack away,
with thumps that are dull!"

And then, in a twinkling, I felt on
my roof
The prancing and pawing of each
cloven hoof.
How long this went on I'm sure
I can't say,
Tho' it seemed an eternity, plus
a long day.

But finally the night after
Christmas had passed
And I found I could really think
straight at last,
So I thought of the New Year a
few days away.
And I've made me a vow that no
tempter can sway.

I'm sticking to water, don't even
want ice,
For there's nothing as tasty or
nothing as nice.
The night after New Year may
bother some guys,
But I've learned my lesson, and
brother, I'm wise.

You can have your rich victuals
and liquor that's red,
But what goes to my stomach
won't go to my head.
So a big Happy New Year to you
and to all;
I'm back on the wagon, and hope
I don't fall!

Site Ed. Note: "You got to walk that lonesome valley..."


Baltimore Evening Sun

Henrich Himmler, head of the German police, has returned to Berlin from a trip to Rome to see Mussolini. Now, why should the head of the German police, of all people, be going to see the head of the foreign nation? Rome, according to Correspondent Herbert L. Matthews, is trying to guess what it means.

It so happens that we have just come into possession of a rumor which, if true, throws considerable light on the matter. It is only a rumor, unauthenticated and unofficial, worthless, of course, as evidence, yet so interesting that we present it to our readers and leave it to them to form their own opinions as to the likelihood of its truth.

It will be recalled that, to solve the problem of the Tyroleans of German blood living in what is now Italian territory, Hitler, some time ago, announced a plan for their repatriation to the Reich. Now, according to the rumor, a great many of the Tyroleans do not want to be repatriated. They have lived for generations in the Tyrol and they want to stay.

How were they to thwart the will of the Fuehrer? The rumor has it that they have hit upon quite an original idea. They claim that they are Jews or of Jewish extraction. It is said that some of them have even appealed to rabbis to have their names inscribed among Jewish congregations. Obviously, Hitler does not want to repatriate Germans of Jewish extraction and, in consequence, he finds himself on the horns of a dilemma.

Who would be best qualified to ferret out the truth of the claims of the Tyroleans? Obviously, this in a world of [indiscernible word] and dissension is the function of the police. And it is Policeman Himmler who has gone to Rome. The theory works out nicely.

One More Billion*

New Year Apt To Begin With The Latest New High

Sunday night at twelve sharp the old year will end and the new one will begin. Anyhow, the old year always has ended at midnight on any Dec. 31, and nothing looms to prevent it this time.

The U.S. Treasury runs several days behind the calendar in its reports on the current deficit and the Federal debt, and so it will be Wednesday or Thursday before the Treasury's year-end accounting is made. But when it is made, chances are that the debt will have set a new high mark. Anyhow, new high marks are what it has set progressively from the beginning of this Administration, and nothing looms to prevent it this time.

Only a few millions remain to be spent before the debt cracks 42 billions. And after it cracks 42 billions, the next stop is 43 billions. And so on.

There may be some doubt about where the country is going, but nobody can doubt that it is on its way.

Thimble Storm

The Dies Committee Is Slightly Overheated

It is an interesting piece of information. But why the Dies Committee got so excited about its revelation that the Communists in California spent $25,000 to help defeat Governor Frank Merriam, Republican, and elect Floyd Olson, Independent Democrat, is a little hard to grasp.

Among other rights the Reds enjoy under our political system is that of forming themselves into a party and spending money to help elect candidates they like. And it may safely be said that the money which was spent in favor of Merriam's cause made the Red's war-chest look like the widow's mite. Indeed, it may safely be surmised that it outran the whole sum spent by all the forces which backed Governor Olson. For it is unquestionable that Merriam, the extreme Rightest, had the backing of the best-heeled interests in the state for the very good reason that he had served them well before and promised to serve them well again.

It might plausibly be argued, to be sure, that the Reds actually represent a foreign conspiracy against the United States, and as such cannot claim the rights of citizens. But until they are formally adjudged as such by law--and so to adjudge them would be more dangerous to America than a million Reds--they cannot legally be denied. They certainly had not been adjudged as such in the California campaign.

So far as the spending of huge sums and elections go, we do not defend it. We deplore it. But all efforts in stopping it have so far failed, not because of the machinations of any Reds. If it is to be stopped, the ground rules would have to be general. In a democracy you cannot reasonably deny to the Left what you willingly grant to the Right.

Site Ed. Note: Our independence seems to vanish in the haze...'cause you tell lies thinking we're in a daze.

From The Earth

Archaeological Spades Uncover Two Interesting Finds

The archaeologists, an unimpassioned breed, are going right ahead having a good time taking unsuspected things out of the ground, war or no war.

In Texas they have unearthed human artifacts--flint spearheads, hide scrapers, etc.--in deposits which contain also the bones of mastodons, Columbian elephants, and the horse (the latter an animal, by the way, which, like the other two, had ceased to exist in America when the white men first found it). That seems to place man in America as early as 20,000 to 25,000 years ago, and bears out other evidence which has been developed in the last few years. Until a short time ago, the general opinion of anthropologists was that it was not more than 10,000 years since the descendants of our Indians appeared in America--probably Mongol stock coming from Asia over the Bering Strait, which was perhaps [indiscernible words].

And, as well, [indiscernible words] name still gets fastened on every important old fellow who has got on to the age that is by reason of strength. For years and years, Pausanias, a Greek traveler of the second century, A.D., who looked over his country and wrote what he saw, has been set down as an incorrigible liar, and one of the reasons for that was that he said the people of Pylos still pointed out the palace and the grave of Nestor. He has been proved right in many things before, as in his description of the Olympian temple. And he seems to be pretty well vindicated here again.

Site Ed. Note: Meanwhile, we unearth things also.

Can ye dig?


If This Is Peace, Then Italy Had Better Avoid It

The story in the Washington Merry-Go-Round yesterday, to the effect that all the current talk about "peace" hides an effort by Hitler to create a united front with France and Britain for a political-religious war against Soviet Russia, and that there are strong parties in both Paris and London who want to accept,--this story is within the range of possibility in this crazy world we have known for the last seven years.

There isn't much doubt that Hoare & Co., perhaps Chamberlain himself, still yearn privately to return to the policy of appeasement which led directly to the present war. And there are undoubtedly elements in the United States which would favor the thing.

The idea is, of course, to feed Mr. Hitler the Ukraine, in addition to letting him keep most of Poland, Austria, Czechoslovakia, etc., in the hope of stopping him from his demands on England and France. But it is a little difficult to understand just how that is going to be reconciled with all the high professions of humanitarian concern for the rights of peoples we have been hearing from all quarters of late.

Nevertheless, we may be told, it is necessary to do these things in the name of Realpolitik. If we don't, then England, France, all Europe will go Communistic and Russia will be master of the Western World. But that also, when you look it, is a little hard to comprehend. Actually, indeed, it may be suspected that the real fear of the Hoares is that of having ultimately to face the claim that the world is in its greatest crisis since the French Revolution--that a world full of unemployment, governments which must feed millions from the public treasury for mainly useless tasks, cannot last, that a way must be found to remedy these things if civilization is not to collapse into chaos.

Russia as a military power is an exploded myth. She can't even conquer Finland, and the Balkans laugh in her face, confident that, bad soldiers as they are, Mussolini's legions could wipe up the whole Red power in a few weeks. But more than that, Communism is also a busted philosophy. The Stalin regime has disgusted the world with its cynical deeds. Do you suppose it is actually making many new converts in America these days, this Communism? Or even in England and France where the facts are well known? Our own guess is that nothing on earth but ultimate and abject despair on the part of the world's millions can ever again give Russia and Communism any chance.

On the other hand, what is likely to come out of handing over Russia to Adolf Hitler? The notion that it would satisfy his ambition can find support in the available evidence of his words and his career. What German efficiency can do with the Ukraine in five years would be a caution. Armed with unlimited food and oil supplies, Hitler would be in position to take over the mastery of the whole of Europe when he wished, for the British Navy's might would be canceled out.

Red Russia is a completely inefficient, chaotic, crumbling concern which may be trusted to destroy itself in the end. Nazi Germany is one of the most virile and perfectly organized on earth--and one imbued with a fanatic zeal for a brutal faith which is at least as great as that of the Reds.

What is proposed in this scheme is anarchy, in effect, that to escape the greater war and the necessity of readjustment after the war, Europe shall commit suicide.

Site Ed. Note: Well, mate, that done and said, since all the leaves are brown and down, we've got to get on back 'round now to the Jackaranda; that is if the innkeep will kindly lift his unglad paw off our hand.

'ey, it's Christmas.

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