The Charlotte News

Thursday, September 4, 1940

FIVE EDITORIALS

Whether he did it for Jesus or not, however, we don't know.

But we would like to ask Ringo K. Galaxy, and the school principal out in Juneau, Alaska, whether, because of this cartoon having been disseminated for publication in general circulation newspapers throughout the country in September, 1941, should Herblock have been suspended from newspaper syndication for encouraging drug use?

America won the war, nevertheless, without being worried about such harmless representations which most people of normal intelligence do not believe promote some sort of drug use, are merely symbolic statements, in this case plainly a political statement, but one which could have equally been made without the hookah. Should the newspapers have blotted it out? Should Herblock instead have placed disclaiming text within the smoke rings of their minds? saying, maybe, something like: "Just say no. Whatever he is smoking, it is not good for you. It fries your brain. It's like roller skating into an endless vat of battery acid, every so often narrowing and elongating into a tube such as from which comes toothpaste, but instead appearing as a sewer proliferating with rats and bats and lawn-jockeys riding after you in the nighttime bearing torches saying 'Bong Hits 4 Jesus', 'No Klan Allowed', and other such anti-Christian expressions, all after tumbling headlong over and over from the top of a mountain in the noonday sun under a magnifying glass refracting via prisms the split colors of the rainbow, until you could no longer imagine for yourself what any of that would look like without the benefit of a hookah." Was that required to neutralize its impact?

Perhaps, because of the Ringo K. Galaxy view of the world which made the 1990's so pleasant, America is hard-put to accomplish the same feat these days, not to smoke a hookah, but to win the war by smoking the hookah, that is the Babylon Harlot, which seemed to be of great interest to Ringo in the 1990's, smokes, the stream, the sin-tellers, and the Harlot--winning the war, whatever war it is we think we ought to be winning anyway against this or that demon of the moment.

So the question becomes: who's your Harlot? Ike may have pointed us to the answer.

Perhaps, in the end, this cartoon led the innocent in the midst of Jesse Helms's bailiwick just down the road in Monroe to go all agley in their youth, turning them Turkish hookah-bongo 4 Jesus; maybe Jesse witnessed that and just had to find a way to make sure the Herblocks of the world, with their liberal tendencies, ultimately even plainly and openly favoring the Reds back 'ere, would be neutralized and exposed for what they were, Communist hookah-inducing Liberals 4 Jesus. And what miracles he did accomplish in that regard in his tenure, 'ey?

Speaking of Sarah Palin, that New York Times article of September 11, 2008 points out that her half billion dollar seed money to TransCanada Corp. for developing the North Slope natural gas pipeline has no strings attached, does not require the company to do anything but develop the plans and feasibility of the pipeline, one which will likely not come to fruition for another ten years, if at all. For they never have to do anything toward actually constructing the pipeline. This again, her idea of fighting big oil and cutting government waste.

Her predecessor, Frank Murkowski, proposed a deal, rejected by the Legislature, whereby big oil would build the pipeline, a deal which didn't entail any government outlay to accomplish it.

And, indeed, TransCanada, in order to build the pipeline, must first obtain shipping commitments from the big oil companies which own the rights to the gas beneath the North Slope.

In other words, when she said that she stood up to big oil, what she meant was that the state would provide half a billion in seed money to a Canadian corporation to explore the possibility of building a pipeline which would at best not become a reality for another ten years, after Ms. Palin's tenure as governor is over, not bothering to explain the witch of it: that the gas to be shipped through that pipeline is largely owned by the big oil companies.

Standing up to Big Oil, cutting waste in government: Sarah Palin.

Vote for her if you would like to send all business to Canada, while still benefiting big corporations in the United States, so that Governor Palin may brag out of one side of her mouth to us suckers out here in the public about how she stood up to big oil while out of the other side at the fund-raisers, smile and laugh that becoming laugh about how she fooled all the suckers into believing that hookah-hokum while selling out to the big United States oil companies anyway at both ends of the pipeline, playing both ends against the middle, looted the treasury to do it, while claiming to advocate reduction in government waste, all to make Sarah Palin look good, show meaningful experience from her 22 months in office, and thus show that she is as able as any skilled politician to do one thing, sell another to the people, and call what is business-as-usual "reform", with some apparent credulity for those who don't look into her pit-bull pipeline a little--to talk out of both sides of her mouth at the same time, one to the people, one to the corporations. That, in her case, is that for which the lipstick is, we take it--to make appear symmetric those opposing, asymmetrical lines flowing from the corners of her mouth, glistening in the noonday sun.

We also heard that she once wrestled a bear and beat it to a pulp with her bare fists, cracked open the skull of that bear and ate its brains raw and uncooked, then fed the multitudes with the fishes she found in that bear's stomach after she sliced it wide a foot with the thirty-inch long Bowie knife once owned by Dan'l Boone and thrown a mile in the Kentucky mountains, splitting stones and coming to rest finally in a tree trunk after bisecting the curlies of a renegade resting in its arch, forcing him to move west to the Crow Reservation by the Big Horn River--all before, single handedly, she won the Cold War.

Then, when the bear's mate saw what she had done and gave chase to her for 47 miles all the way into downtown Anchorage, she finally turned and merely held up her arms for that bear to stop in its tracks. The bear, understanding instinctively an insuperable force before it, came to a screeching halt. All time all around the planet stopped dead in its tracks. Fearful, however, as from a meteor streaking from the outer reaches of the galaxy, of the impact on the children which the incipient bloody display of all the guts and brains laid forth on the streets of Anchorage which her pit-bull side would inevitably adduce, she instead relented in her vast untapped reserve of strength and power nonpareil, a reserve unknown previously to mankind, that of the pit-bull, and merely instead crippled that bear, sending it home in a wheelchair.

But long before that, they say, she had taken a bull by the horns and ate it, horns and all. Just gobbled that bull right down, in front of thousands of witnesses. Nobody knows how a bull got into Alaska, but there it is, an undisputed fact told by the multitude in their colorful raiment.

That consumption of the bull, they say, is how she got to be so much of a pit-bull.

She candidly admits it, herself, as you recall, demonstating to the crowd enamored of her grace and wisdom her complete and unerring candor, a singular sentence never worn in repetition nor basked in masque: "The difference between a hockey mom and a pit-bull is lipstick." Truer words, no doubt, were never spoken as she proclaimed herself to that multitude assembled the Great Transformer of Opulence, for Lord Playfair Insignious Government, against Big Oil, for Pit-Bulls and Pit-Bears, against Puppy Dogs who are too weak to understand the pits when the oil and her pipeline are hot, hot, hot.

And though some pit-bulls are vicious and predatory killers when their territory is the least bit challenged, judging from what we have seen so far from Governor Palin, we'd say she is instead pretty much of an unmitigated pit-bull artist--in short, the bane to the Rule of Allen.

Incidentally, we learn by reading today's New York Times that Ms. Palin told ABC yesterday: "You have to be wired in a way of being so committed to the mission, the mission that we're on, reform of this country and victory in the war." Huh, judging by a large amount of the rhetoric both from Senator McCain and the rest of the speakers at the Republican convention last week, we had thought that the war was already won, the troops on the way home, all because of the "Surge" Senator McCain supported. Maybe we missed something in translation. Or, maybe something has happened since last week? The script is no longer there to read so impressively?

Just questions. No reason to ban them.

We can always start the whorling big chilly draft to finish the really Real Snowjob.